Some old satire...

In an astonishing news press today released by the Democratic Association, it was revealed that while it was originally thought that President Bush’s history in regards to his attendance of the RNWHA (Republican Ninjas With Hamsters Association) was immaculate, offhand records by a sister’s brother’s uncle’s former roommate reveals a far different story: he once arrived five minutes late.

One of the three members of the RNWHA, after deciding who was to be spokesman by way of rock-paper-scissors, came forth to comment on the attendance of President Bush.
“I really don’t have much to say. I remember the night like it was yesterday – he simply just showed up late. We speculate that he may have been doing drugs or earning his stipend as a prostitute: no one is ever late, especially ninjas, with hamsters.”

Before anything else could be asked, the self-professed ninja pulled a hamster out of his pocket and ran into oncoming traffic. The condition and whereabouts of the spokesman are currently unknown. The reaction however was not an isolated one as republicans abroad were amazed by Bush’s brash attendance.

“I just couldn’t believe it” comments Linda Versoconta, another Republican astonished by the news. “How could someone not want to attend the RNWHA? It seems to violate every thing I’ve ever held true and dear for Bush. I guess I’ll vote for Kerry, or Nader. I don’t really know. I’m in too much shock to really decide”

Jim Beam, another Republican, was even more upset over the Bush – RNWHA scandal.
“I don’t think I can go on living. I can’t take it anymore. He was the one, and now he is but a mere mortal! It cannot be!” Jim then decided that a one-way ticket to the great beyond was his only answer to this overwhelming dilemma and took a leap of faith that was abruptly ended about 20 stories below, where a small crowd congregated, slowly clapping as if some sort of perverted circus act had just been performed.

But what does this mean for Bush? Top analysts that happen to live next door say that this will severely hurt Bush’s approval rating, involving anywhere from a .05-95% change of faith in voters. It will be only a matter of time before this grave incident impacts upon the general public, and the truth is known – Bush was late to the weekly RNWHA meeting, and no one is ever late, especially ninjas, with hamsters.